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 my fiancee has dissapeared

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noodlesoup
Lombok Virgin


Number of posts : 5
Location : antwerp
Registration date : 2011-06-20

PostSubject: my fiancee has dissapeared   Mon Jun 20, 2011 5:35 am

Hi everybody

I have been browsing this forum many times but never posted something myself,
I am hoping to seek some advice

I arrived in kuta Lombok around Feb, this year, after a week I met a nice local girl with a traditional family.
We both got to know each other very well, I stayed with her and her family for about 3 months,
We planned to get married soon so we could start up a little bussiness/life on our own etc etc,...

Because I was low on money I decided to go back to my home country to work for about 3 months, it's been 1 month now

The last 2 weeks some local guy has been harrasing here, treatening to kidnap her and take her back to sumbawa.

Last night she dissapeared. Her family doesnt know where she is, she didnt took anything from her house, not even her phone.

The family is totally shocked about what happened and asking me to come back asap, talk to the police and try to find her again.

Any advice on this situation is welcome, I am not sure what I can do, and if it would makes sense at all to try to find her back - I will go there eventually soon to get some answers - its killing me, I love this girl so much

thanks
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outahere
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Number of posts : 415
Location : nowhere
Registration date : 2008-07-02

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Mon Jun 20, 2011 10:37 am

While it is traditional to 'kidnap' a girl for marriage, it is not usual for the family to not be aware of what is going on. At the very least they will be informed that day or the next. The tradition is for the girl to be brought to the boy's village where she will stay with the boy's family. Nothing 'happens' until they are legally married, and a girl cannot marry without the consent of her male guardians - so they can't marry her without the knowledge of her family. Before the marriage there is negotiation for the dowry (boy's family pays the girl's family) which must be mentioned during the ceremony.

If her family doesn't know what is going on, then it sounds quite sinister. I don't know there is much that you can do to help - even going to look for her would be difficult unless you have a good understanding of the language and culture. It is up to the girl's male guardians to find her. They might need financial assistance if they need to travel to Sumbawa.
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Mimpi
Lombok Soulmate


Number of posts : 101
Location : Kuta, Lombok
Registration date : 2011-05-07

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:25 pm

If this happened last night it still may well be a case of "stealing" a girl for marriage. As Freo says, although this is the what they call it, it is generally with the girls consent. One of our staff was "stolen" last year. All planned by her and her boyfriend. The family were contacted the next day. They knew nothing about it before hand as the girl had already agreed to marry another man who they approved of.

Hopefully your girl's family will hear from his family today and some light will be thrown on it all. I certainly hope there is nothing sinister to it.
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noodlesoup
Lombok Virgin


Number of posts : 5
Location : antwerp
Registration date : 2011-06-20

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Mon Jun 20, 2011 5:51 pm

Well, so far it doesn't seem like everything has been arranged the proper way, the family didnt have any contact with her for about 3 days, and they don't like this guy at all, and they don't want her to marry him at all.
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Mimpi
Lombok Soulmate


Number of posts : 101
Location : Kuta, Lombok
Registration date : 2011-05-07

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Mon Jun 20, 2011 6:09 pm

Unfortunately it doesn't always happen the "proper" way. The girl I mentioned already had a boyfriend and plans to marry him. Her family did not agree with her marrying the new guy but because they went to her grandmother who did agree it was a done deal and the family as they could see it,could do nothing about it. They also did not have any contact with her for some time after she was "stolen"
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Ezah
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Number of posts : 22
Location : Dubai/Lombok
Registration date : 2011-03-02

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:32 pm

Any update on her whereabouts? I do hope she is ok.

have you considered though that the family may not be entirely open with you on this matter? Its not easy to tell if you are out of the country.
Hard as it may be to imagine, you said they are "traditional", so whose to say they have not made other arrangements?

good luck with it, it must be very concerning.
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noodlesoup
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Number of posts : 5
Location : antwerp
Registration date : 2011-06-20

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:19 am

Ezah wrote:
Any update on her whereabouts? I do hope she is ok.

have you considered though that the family may not be entirely open with you on this matter? Its not easy to tell if you are out of the country.
Hard as it may be to imagine, you said they are "traditional", so whose to say they have not made other arrangements?

good luck with it, it must be very concerning.

so far the family hasent heard anything from her

a good friend of me that I stayed with in lombok for 3 months witnessed the whole situation (he's still there right now in the family's homestay), so the information I got is pretty accurate, he's right in the middle of it

Today the family went to the police, this guy actually proposed the girl once, but the family and the girl refused, they don't like him at all, he's known for beeing a drunk, getting married and divorcing all the time, he's got kids the same age as Kurnia, its pretty messed up...

thanks for the support
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Mimpi
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Number of posts : 101
Location : Kuta, Lombok
Registration date : 2011-05-07

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:28 am

Now that you have mentioned names - Kurnia is a cousin of one of our staff Isa. As far as Isa knows they have run away together. She doesn't seem to think anything sinister is going on. But she does say the family have not heard from her since she left. I have asked her to keep me informed if she hears of anything and will let you know.
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noodlesoup
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Number of posts : 5
Location : antwerp
Registration date : 2011-06-20

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:15 pm

Mimpi wrote:
Now that you have mentioned names - Kurnia is a cousin of one of our staff Isa. As far as Isa knows they have run away together. She doesn't seem to think anything sinister is going on. But she does say the family have not heard from her since she left. I have asked her to keep me informed if she hears of anything and will let you know.
Thank you. Keep me updated!
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noodlesoup
Lombok Virgin


Number of posts : 5
Location : antwerp
Registration date : 2011-06-20

PostSubject: Re: my fiancee has dissapeared   Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:30 am

Mimpi wrote:
Now that you have mentioned names - Kurnia is a cousin of one of our staff Isa. As far as Isa knows they have run away together. She doesn't seem to think anything sinister is going on. But she does say the family have not heard from her since she left. I have asked her to keep me informed if she hears of anything and will let you know.
hi mimpi
it have a couple of questions i want to ask you about, it sounds like you can help me clear some things, because the whole situation is very strange, i am very confused as well as kurnia's family, something is just not right about the whole thing

please send me a pm with your email if you want
thanks in advance
stefan
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